krayonlove:

Next in line for introductions, krayonlove. I am a married man in my thirties. My wife and I don't have children yet, but we are planning on having them in the near future. I have a steady job, and while it's not exactly what I envisioned I'd be doing at this point in my life, I do enjoy it. In addition to expanding our family, my wife and I also have a road map for how we want to advance our careers. To all external appearances, I am a normal man, living a normal life.

At this point I'd like to beg forgiveness if this post is disjointed and poorly structured. Sometimes when beginning an endeavor which elicits in one feelings of anxiety, it is best to just jump right in and get cracking, even if the start isn't flawless. One of my favorite sayings is "An 80% solution achieved today is better than a 100% solution achieved never." Or something like that; maybe I got 80% of that quote right. ;-)

So taking the plunge, I am what society would term a pedophile. I have not, and never will, harm or touch a child in a sexual way, for numerous reasons that I and perhaps others at this blog will explore in future posts. But I am sexually attracted to girls as young as 4, up to as old as, well, I suppose there's no theoretical limit. I have always been attracted to girls. I never went through that cliche "Girls are icky! Girls have cooties!" stage, in fact that attitude is so incomprehensible to me, I often doubt whether it really exists, or is just a way young boys have to deal with feelings of attraction they don't understand at that point. So, having been able to appreciate the beauty of my female classmates in pre-kindergarten, I never grew out of that appreciation. At the same time, as a child, I was attracted to older girls and adult women, too. I fantasized about girls constantly, even though I was so ignorant about sexuality, I dreamed of little more than kissing them.

Now, to head off any speculation, I came by my obsession with the opposite sex all by myself. I was not the victim of any kind of abuse or molestation as a child. I know that the possibility exists of repressed memories of traumatic episodes that have long-term effects, but I really have seen no evidence for that whatsoever. I will say, however, that I was raised in a very Christian home, where every Sunday was spent in church. Several of my family members were deacons or Sunday school teachers, and I went to vacation bible school every Summer. That may sound like abuse to some cynical souls, but I think my family's faith was genuine. For my part, I believed in God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and just about everything in the bible, including that sexual thoughts were bad. Again, while I may have been tortured by my frustrated libido, this wasn't abuse.

In addition to being attracted to a broad age-range of girls, I am also attracted to many female members of my family. I've never had an incestuous experience of any kind; not even playing doctor. And there are some who would say that because I'm adopted, my attractions aren't really incestuous to begin with. Be that as it may, they FEEL incestuous, and I find that I am excited by the thought of real incest, even if I'm not involved in the fantasy. I will never act on these urges, for reasons I'll get into later.

There are many points of intersection between pedophilia and familial attraction, and both are widely condemned by society at large. I'd like to echo the other posters in saying that while it is not my aim to change laws or change peoples attitudes towards pedophilia and incest, I do want to start changing people's perceptions of those of us who deal personally with these preferences.

Well, I think that's about enough for a first salvo. There are many other details that I'll get into in the future, but those are the most relevant. I would also like to let you, the hypothetical reader, know that this blog won't consist solely of posts that delve into our sexual psyches. We'll make other posts, too, about other, completely different topics as the mood strikes us. Why? Because we ARE people, not caricatures. We have full lives and interests that have nothing to do with the realm of the erotic. It's my hope that through this blog some will come to understand that who didn't before. And as a final note, I'd like to invite anyone who wishes to ask whatever questions they like. We aren't here just to spread a message, we're here to spread a conversation.