krayonlove:

Next in line for introductions, krayonlove. I am a married man in my thirties. My wife and I don't have children yet, but we are planning on having them in the near future. I have a steady job, and while it's not exactly what I envisioned I'd be doing at this point in my life, I do enjoy it. In addition to expanding our family, my wife and I also have a road map for how we want to advance our careers. To all external appearances, I am a normal man, living a normal life.

At this point I'd like to beg forgiveness if this post is disjointed and poorly structured. Sometimes when beginning an endeavor which elicits in one feelings of anxiety, it is best to just jump right in and get cracking, even if the start isn't flawless. One of my favorite sayings is "An 80% solution achieved today is better than a 100% solution achieved never." Or something like that; maybe I got 80% of that quote right. ;-)

So taking the plunge, I am what society would term a pedophile. I have not, and never will, harm or touch a child in a sexual way, for numerous reasons that I and perhaps others at this blog will explore in future posts. But I am sexually attracted to girls as young as 4, up to as old as, well, I suppose there's no theoretical limit. I have always been attracted to girls. I never went through that cliche "Girls are icky! Girls have cooties!" stage, in fact that attitude is so incomprehensible to me, I often doubt whether it really exists, or is just a way young boys have to deal with feelings of attraction they don't understand at that point. So, having been able to appreciate the beauty of my female classmates in pre-kindergarten, I never grew out of that appreciation. At the same time, as a child, I was attracted to older girls and adult women, too. I fantasized about girls constantly, even though I was so ignorant about sexuality, I dreamed of little more than kissing them.

Now, to head off any speculation, I came by my obsession with the opposite sex all by myself. I was not the victim of any kind of abuse or molestation as a child. I know that the possibility exists of repressed memories of traumatic episodes that have long-term effects, but I really have seen no evidence for that whatsoever. I will say, however, that I was raised in a very Christian home, where every Sunday was spent in church. Several of my family members were deacons or Sunday school teachers, and I went to vacation bible school every Summer. That may sound like abuse to some cynical souls, but I think my family's faith was genuine. For my part, I believed in God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and just about everything in the bible, including that sexual thoughts were bad. Again, while I may have been tortured by my frustrated libido, this wasn't abuse.

In addition to being attracted to a broad age-range of girls, I am also attracted to many female members of my family. I've never had an incestuous experience of any kind; not even playing doctor. And there are some who would say that because I'm adopted, my attractions aren't really incestuous to begin with. Be that as it may, they FEEL incestuous, and I find that I am excited by the thought of real incest, even if I'm not involved in the fantasy. I will never act on these urges, for reasons I'll get into later.

There are many points of intersection between pedophilia and familial attraction, and both are widely condemned by society at large. I'd like to echo the other posters in saying that while it is not my aim to change laws or change peoples attitudes towards pedophilia and incest, I do want to start changing people's perceptions of those of us who deal personally with these preferences.

Well, I think that's about enough for a first salvo. There are many other details that I'll get into in the future, but those are the most relevant. I would also like to let you, the hypothetical reader, know that this blog won't consist solely of posts that delve into our sexual psyches. We'll make other posts, too, about other, completely different topics as the mood strikes us. Why? Because we ARE people, not caricatures. We have full lives and interests that have nothing to do with the realm of the erotic. It's my hope that through this blog some will come to understand that who didn't before. And as a final note, I'd like to invite anyone who wishes to ask whatever questions they like. We aren't here just to spread a message, we're here to spread a conversation.

chaosscizzors

well i guess i should follow suit and make my own introduction.

my name is chaos, that's all you really need to know. i don't like you and i don't even know who is reading this right now. don't get me wrong, i'm not a bad guy, but if i can make you hate me then it's just going to make me smile and laugh. all my life people treated me like shit. i used to be a pretty nice guy but after a while you see it's really not worth it. you people and your society have left me as a bitter cynic, but there's an upside to that. i've spent my entire life on the fringes of society so i don't share you ideals, the term "taboo" means nothing to me. nothing is sacred and nothing is evil in my eyes.

so as a result i guess it's no surprise that i took to pedophilia so easily. at first i'll admit that i did cave to society's whims and freak out pretty badly about it. i was depressed and i didn't have the slightest idea what to do about it. eventually i met some like minded people and it put things in perspective. the internet is such a useful resource; i've had the opportunity to speak to all types of pedophiles, including the child porn hoarding pedophile that you all worry is going to abduct your child and leave them buried in the woods somewhere (which honestly isn't the case most of the time, they just want their fix and i can't really blame them).

the whole ordeal sparked an interest in psychology within my mind and i began (and still am) taking classes on the subject. it became obvious, almost immediately, that even most "experts" know slim to nil about the "disorder" (a term i use loosely when referring to paraphilias) that is pedophilia. just the social stigma of pedophilia can bend the minds of even the most educated individuals. i don't blame them, in fact i think they have a very, very, very good reason to be worried about the pedophile down the street because i live it everyday and i speak to people who live it everyday. i now understand pedophilia on a level i never thought was possible and i have to say, it can be scary sometimes when you're dealing with someone that has a weak will. for some the attraction to children can be incredibly overwhelming, but for the most part we all understand the difference between right and wrong and adhere to those standards adamantly. it's this ability to control our primal urges that separates us all from the beasts, something that you and me share in common.

in later posts i'll probably talk about other paraphilias and fetishes. they are quite interesting, they make no sense and they're damn near impossible to classify as a true disorder unless the individual in question is dangerous. in a sense i'm mentally ill, and yet at the same time i am perfectly sane. don't try to understand it, recognize it, respect it, and i will treat you with the same quality of dignity that you have shown me.

peace and love,
your friendly neighborhood pedo

Thoughts and friends:

Eventually, I came to terms with who I was, who I am. I know a lot of people will look down on me, not only for my thoughts, but because I live my life with them, think them, and have accepted them. For quite some time, I have hidden my true self from the world, it keeps my life in order. By now, a few friends know some of my secrets. One person in particular intrigued me by her response. It all started one night when she sent me an instant message. We were talking about how our friends in general had betrayed us and did not act like friends anymore. I told her about a friend of mine who told 2 of my secrets that I trusted him with, to another friend. I also mentioned how they were not something other people should really know, and I would prefer my friends not going around telling each other about my secrets. After some more talking, she asked me if I wouldn't mind telling her what they were. Of course fear struck me, wondering if I could trust her. I had only known her for a short while, as a friend of a friend. After much time telling her not to ever tell anyone she agreed and I felt it was sincere enough to tell her. Letting her know one of the ones that was told, one that I had hidden for a long time, it is a relief, but frightening at the same time. I told her I was bisexual. Of course I get met with the "no you aren't, really?" After we cleared that up a bit she began to understand why I did not want people to know. People always assumed I was heterosexual, and that was fine with me. My sexuality doesn't really need to be known by other people, but a few people knowing helps keep me sane. I could tell she was very curious now as to what the second thing could be. I had to ask her again to make sure she would tell no one. After she promised, I took a deep breathe and wrote down "I am a pedophile." After hitting enter, I felt pure fear run through my veins. Curiously enough she responded not with "you're sick" or "why" but she responded with the same response as when I told her I was bisexual. Then we got into a talk about child porn, I told her I don't look at it and have no desire to hurt a child, but it is just my thoughts. After she was assured I was telling the truth she told me that her step father raped her as a child. After some talking, she said something I never really thought about until she said it. She said it must be hard for me to live with those thoughts in todays society. It was something I never really thought about until she said it. Deep down, it hurt. It was painful to have thoughts I have to hide from the world. Thoughts I can't change, but if people knew about them, most would hate me. It was as though I was a victim of my own thoughts. The problem is I have a bitter taste in my mouth. Most people would be embarrassed if their thoughts were to be displayed to the world. Everyone hides something. Everyone hides their bits of shame. People victimize each other for being individuals and expressing their thoughts. People hurt others to cover their own flaws. I always thought there was something wrong with me. The more I look on the world, I am only proven normal, only human. I am just like everyone else. I blend into the crowd. I am your neighbors, your family, your friends, the ones you love. I am your enemies, the ones you hate. I am your politicians, your convenience store clerk, you taxi drivers. My image is everywhere around you. My image looks at the world with disgust. We all victimize ourselves. There are many things I would like to show you, but they would only cause trouble. The real victims are not shown on the news, for the world leaves them as gruesome mangled messes, exploited, or taped in their minds. The news tells you so few, only scratching the surface of what happens in the world. Where these images surface, showing the faces of these victims are deemed obscene. People can call them obscene, but unlike most, I am not afraid to look at the truth, look the victims in their eyes. The only thing I am afraid of is becoming a victim. That is why I hide my thoughts from the world.

V~R:

Hello everyone, I go by V~R. I identify myself as a conscious being. I intend to be known through my thoughts, and that is what I intend to share here today.

As with all people in the world, I hold a certain group of preferences which shape my goals, and my goals inspire my actions. One thing I strongly prefer is for people to be understanding of events, and act honestly.

First of all consider the nature of the universe. At least on the practical level, everything is cause and effect. Nothing exists as it is now without a prior and complete explanation. Furthermore the nature of any given explanation is "real." It involves the physical and the mathematical, the tangible and the logical. Events of the universe are explainable in terms of cause and effect, and (essentially) completely so.

Focusing in a little bit more on the subject matter at hand...people are events of the universe. Like everything else in nature, they too are things to be understood in a concrete objectified way. Unfortunately, social animals as we are, we sometimes let our feelings and inclinations get in the way of this often idealized goal. For example we tend to be more understanding of the circumstances surrounding a friend's dilemma than we are of the circumstances surrounding an enemy's dilemma. When there is someone we dislike we tend to be more dismissive of their life circumstances when ideally we should try to take an objectified view on the cause and effect they are interwoven with and try to understand them like we would try to understand any other part of nature or the universe. I prefer such practice on my part and on everyone's part, and so here I encourage you: Be understanding of all things in nature.

Now that I have put that out there I would like to explain what I mean by "acting honestly." When I say a person acts honestly all it means is that they are being honest with themselves in their actions. If they do something wrong they understand that what they are doing is wrong. They don't try to deceive themselves into justifying such behavior because they are honest with themselves with regards to their own actions. I prefer such practice on my part and on everyone's part, and so here I encourage you: Be honest with yourself in your actions.


Now this group consists of people who contain what many people would consider bizarre, even frightening, sexual fantasies (and sometimes nonsexual fantasies as well). Now you may dislike this whole concept, and you may feel tempted to dismiss our sanity and sincerity right away, but we are events and part of this universe as everything else is. We have our own life circumstances and thoughts and feelings. We hope you will try to understand us in the same way you would try to understand any other part of nature or a good friend looking for you to hear them out on an issue.

We are also here to try to open up discussion about this topic. Everyone is invited. I would like to make it clear right now though: We are not out to break the law, advocate a change of law, or harm anyone or anything in any way shape or form! That isn't what we are about...not by a long long shot.

All we want to do is live in peace with everyone and live in peace with ourselves. Unfortunately that can be difficult since we are viewed almost universally as dangerous and sick people. The truth is a great many of us hide the fact of our oddities to avoid social trouble, so we are actually more common in the world than it may appear. We hope that, through this group, we will show the world that we are indeed normal for the most part. It may be hard to believe from an outsider's perspective but we encourage you to try to walk around in our shoes for a little bit...after all there is probably something odd about you as well. No one is the same, and we are no different.